HISTORY
of
THE 306th Field Artillery
Paris
S0 this is Paris! That's what they all
say when they step out of the stuffy coaches at the
Gare-de-L'Est for the first time and make a dash for the
A. P. M.'s mess line. The second time they find it
unnecessary to quote from any modern Shakespeare, and the
wicked worldly-wise even skip the mess line to find a
pressing engagement with the French restaurant de Gare,
which has a door opening directly out "on the
taxis," or where the taxis ought to be. 0 tempora, 0
mores, how fast they learn!
The first increment to arrive in Paris had been hanging
to brass straps all night, by the elbows, and sleeping
debout the way we used to do on the famous long hike, but
when they arrived they found that a mistake had been made
in the tactical situation, and that the sun was "
shining with all his might, "so they repaired in
high spirits to the nearest bar for break-fast-and the
Battle of Paris was on! It was meant to be only a minor
engagement in preparation for le grand offensive at Nice,
but there was a rapid change in the situation and a
general attack soon developed from the heights of
Montmartre to the Latin quarter, the fire being
particularly heavy on the boulevards and in the late
lamented bar at the Crillon. The regiment's Tactical
Officer par excellence reconnoitered an excellent P. C.
which abounded in Sole Meuni6re and other delicacies
which one takes with his cocktails, champagne, liqueurs,
etc. The Tactical Officer had had enough of brass straps
and sleeping debout, and preferred a bon secteur without
further marching. So he stayed and got a job on the Peace
Commission tout de suite.
But his farewell party was a dinger! "0 yes
'tis," said the Chief Trout. The Tactical Officer is a connoisseur of beauty as well as of Sole Meuniere and
expensive wines. Well, to make a long story short the
evening's entertainment ended in a quiet session of the
Great American Game-and I don't refer to African golf,
Dan-in the most recherche surroundings. There were two
Louis XVI. pianos in the beautiful, high ceiled studio, a
fine carved oak side-board containing tout le necessaire,
and a very amorous looking Marie Antoinette four-poster.
Best of all, the engagement was staged directly over the
room in which the commanding general was sleeping
peacefully and unsuspectingly. They do say he missed a
couple of bottles of Black & White the next day,
however.
This was just one of the many actions
that went to make up the great General Offensive of
Paris. Of course it gets you coming and going when your
leave leads to Nice, but it gets more of your money going
than coming. You know why!-if you went to Nice. Some
people went to Paris to buy supplies for the
regiment-athletic or otherwise, it didn't matter much.
Some made the most of their good fortune in being
Princeton men. Others just worked it. How do they do it?
Some stay there when they get there and arrange flowers
on the tables in the boudoirs of peace delegates, or
bring up their petits dejeuners to them. Some are even
willing to get home at eleven o'clock every night and
thus get free and indefinite board at a comfortable
hospital. Only one developed what might be known by the
Herr Doktor Major J. as a "sympathetic ear."
Hewins!
Let's award him the Wampum-we cannot give him the
Croix-de-Guerre.
No reconnaissance of the terrain is half begun without accurately
locating that remarkable machine-gun nest known as Louis's bar. But why
confine it to machine guns? It was a whole ordnance department where Louis and his
buxom wife issued every known form of high explosive and
projectile. We all wondered why people went to the Opera
Cornique, but when we had been introduced to Louis by a
famous and delightful lieutenant colonel of the 78th
Division, the reason was clear. It was just to get up a
thirst for the Between-the-Acts at Louis's. Of course
some didn't need to go to the Opera. Louis had a
remarkable little client who rides three horses at the
circus and smokes seventy-five cigarettes a day. Always
carry plenty of Camels.
Certain dignitaries were noticed by our invading forces
en passant-for example H. R. M. George Rex, for whom one
of our few fresh air patrols sang that beautiful little
ditty regarding the King of England, the one that raises
some doubts about his family history. It was on a bright,
sunny day on the
Champs Elysees and all the quiet French people were much
edified by the hymn singing. That was because they hadn't
seen the choir trying to crawl down the muzzles of some
150's in the Place-de-la- Concorde to test their recoil
mechanism.
Well, it's all a sweet dream now. We're back in the
trenches at Dancevoir. And yet they call it open warfare!
Why compared to Paris, this is a state of siege, and the
warfare of Paris is wide open as long as you see the M.
P.'s first.
Let us close this epic with a few simple verses:
What d'ya mean you stayed too long in Paris, What d'ya
mean you stayed an extra day? That little card told you
what to do. You know the one I mean, the little square of
blue.
What d'ya mean you stayed too long in Paris, What d'ya
mean she wouldn't let you go? Three months flat, you get
for that,
So tuck that underneath your overseas cap. What d'ya mean
you stayed too long in Paris? What d'ya mean that you
missed your train.
" Y. M. C. A."